My Inner passion

emotions.... energies.... complexeties... unstructured

Today

I have just formally withdrawal from the PsyD program that I had always wanted to do in the past 15years...

because I have run into something else more specific to my spirituality call, but I haven't yet arrived at the decision whether this is indeed THE psy bridge between Christian spirituality and psychotherapy..

I am thinking of Freud Day & Night

breath-taking! Freud!

Christian-based PsyD Internships in Washington or Boston

Does anybody know how competitive and what is it like for Christian-based Internship programs in Washington or in Boston??

I am doing a PsyD (Doctorate in Clinical Psychology) program from California off-shore. That means I do all the coursework and placements in my locality, in China, and then I do my internships (pre-doctoral and post-doctoral) and licensure exam in US. It is a very innovative & controversial program, certainly no one has heard of it, I believe.

I am the first-intake of this program, and no body really knows what'd happen to us, and whether we'd get to the stage for licensure exams... Our program is quite certain that they'd get California pre-doctoral internships for us. As they are the largest PsyD-producing institute in California, and they have connections to take in bilingual Psychologists. As all of us are Bilinguals or Trilinguals, so getting an internships that serve Chinese in California is kind of easy for them. And, only a few of us would like to go to US to get the US license, anyway... People can earn much more here than in US, for most of my classmates, they are professionals already here...and so being a Clin Psy in US doesn't sound too attractive.

But I like the well-established CP system, psychological service in US. Very much advanced than that in my hometown. And there is a long history of Christian integration of Psychology and theology, pastoral counselling here in US than anywhere in the world, and not to say my hometown.

Therefore, I want to get Christian-based internships. OR internships at Psychiatry Department in an university (like medical school), as I can then go on with my brain imaging research. I am not sure which way I should go. I haven't discerned that from God..yet.

Language concerns
I have been working with an Irish-boss in an English-speaking research team in univ. for 7yrs or so. Therefore, I am fluent in English, but with a Chinese accent and mostly British pronounciations. I can serve both Chinese or English-speaking people. I am able to do simple conversation in Thai, but don't think I can make it up to the standard of carrying out a psychological assessment in Thai, but in Chinese and English, absolutely no problem.

Where do you think I can get information regarding Christian-based PsyD Pre-doctoral Internships in US (esp Washington & Boston?)

I would like to learn from experience of students participating or those who know people who are doing such Christian-based PsyD or PhD in Clin Psy in US!!!

I can download information from the official websites, but I know NO ONE who can share his/her experience with me ah...

Any personal referral?????

Thanks Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!

Parenting delimma: to Let Go And to Push

In your opinion, what is the best way to build a strong sense of self or self confidence in a child?

The best way to build a strong sense of self and self-confidence in a child is through accompanied exploration of the child to different experiences and interactions with people.

Accompany and exploration are the two key ingredients in my proposal. Exploration is easy to understand and has been proposed by many: the child’s active role in exploring of possibilities for himself/herself in the social environment and different settings. He/she can experiment with the approaches as to how to understand, process, and react to a variable of situations.

Accompanied exploration has a special significance in this exploration by the child. A caring adult, best to be the caretaker or the parent, is the resourceful and knowledgeable person to be by the side of the child in his or her exploration, and can offer help when the situation calls for it or when the child asks for it. The child, with the strong and caring backup, and a security base, can be free to explore and bold to explore the environment. To the child, he/she can then build up his/her autonomy in a safe environment.

The success and the art of this rest on when the accompanying adult give a freehand to the child, observe while not intervene, or when to provide hint and assistance, and when he or she does not offer help even when asked to and yet give encouragement, so when the child can finally accomplish the task, he or she can take all of the credit and build on his or her autonomy and self-confidence. In addition, it also depends on when the adult should intervene even when not invited by the child.

The key lies in the assessment of the accompanying adult about the ability and the zones of proximal development of the child. Adult in this scheme should also learn to trust that the child can explore and accomplish himself/herself if something is within his or her zone of proximal development, and yet he or she has not yet accomplish it. Many researches have shown that children, if given minimal cues, can breakthrough into new accomplishment if it is something within his/her zone of proximal ability. For example, children who have not yet accomplished conservation according to Piaget’s theory, can be easily overcome the difficulty by some hint. So adults should also learn to let go of their control or eagerness to have their children to breakthrough, and give a bit more patience and thoughts to what hints to give, as the adults should not take away the opportunity to learn themselves without being told. Children can see for themselves what they can do on their own, and have more confidence of their potential and abilities, and also be able to feel their own limitations. This is because having a clear sense of one’s limitations, strengths, and potential are crucial to the development of self-confidence in children.

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Parenting Style and Traditional Cultural Values

In your opinion, what is the relationship between adherence to traditional cultural values and parenting style?

The results of Xu and colleagues’ (2005) study showed among 97 Mainland Chinese mothers stronger adherence to traditional cultural values, such as Confucian beliefs about socialization goals and societal virtues were associated with both authoritarian and authoritative parenting styles, and the findings supported the notion that in traditional Chinese mothers, these two parenting styles are not mutually exclusive of each other, unlike in Western parents. In particular, adherence to collectivism, conformity to norms, emotional self-control and humility were significantly associated with an authoritarian parenting style. Adherence to collectivism and conformity to norms were also associated with the authoritative parenting style. Xu et al. (2005) suggested that Chinese mothers who adhere stronger to these traditional values might use authoritarian parenting style to training their children to be righteousness, trustworthy much according to the traditional moral code in Confucianism , which might seemed too dominating and insensitive to children from a perspective that does not value collectivism and Confucian values. In my opinion, the authoritarian parenting style, in the social context dominated by adherence to Confucianism, is taken by the parents at least, as their way of expressing affection, care, and interest in their children, and to express their sensitivity and provide stable secure interaction with their children.

I consider traditional cultural values as heritage and context in which parents learned what is expected of them when they were a child, have a personal experience of how effective and the impact on their lives and growing up, and then provide the model for them to relate with their children when they become parents. The virtues and behaviors stressed by the cultural values would usually be adopted by the parents in the way they train up their kids, the goal of their discipline. And from this particular goal, parents can still adopt the appropriate parenting style. For example, in Chinese culture, knowledge and wisdom is highly stressed, and parents implemented this cultural value in the educational concern for their children, and a focus of their parenting. However, that choice of style is by no means free from the influence of social context, and personal experience of the cultural heritage. For most parents that have been brought up from a family that emphasis filial piety and hence parental authority, they are very likely to use an authoritative parenting style to foster the educational development of their children.

Parenting Style: My parents

How would you describe your parents' parenting style? What kinds of discipline were used in your family? Do you, or would you discipline your own children in similar or different ways? What would you advise other parents about disciplining their children?

My parents had very high demands and stern disciplines on their two children, my brother and I. They stressed fairness and equality between siblings and so their demands were equally applied to both of us. We were not allowed to stay overnight at anywhere outside home, not even at close friends or relatives’ home, or camping. The restriction still applies now, only it is slightly more relaxed. We were not allowed to have any coca cola, coffee, English tea, which has caffeine; and not to say cigarettes, although my father smoked quite a lot before he passed away. We must be humble and polite, respecting and obeying parents and teachers’ words. We must wear slippers at home, and wash hands when we get home. We had to try our very best at school, must not made any careless mistakes in our test and exams, and this meant that I would be beaten up if I got marks below 95/100, and for my brother below 60/100. The difference in marks reflected my mother’s understanding of our different abilities and therefore different benchmarks, but to us the same level of difficulty.

Upon questioning, when we can explain themselves, if it was determined that we did not comply to the rules or parental authority without good reasons, this would resulted in physical punishment on arms and legs by clothes hangers, or a slim bamboo stick specially made for children’s physical punishment that housewives can easily buy from groceries; or by chopsticks. For safety reasons, my parents would not allow physical punishment on the head, face, or body trunk. Therefore, in terms of control, my parents were parent-centered rather than child-centered, and they demanded absolute compliance of us to their parental authority, but my mother was based on different ideology from my father’s. The difference in ideology was related to parent’s sensitivity to children’s needs.


The rules were set by my parents with little or no discussion with us; therefore, they are parent-centered. However, these rules were what my parents thought were our needs. Therefore, these disciplinary measures, together with their providence of food, shelter and care were their expression of parental love and sensitivity. For my father, fulfilling his children’s basic needs in food, shelter, and education was his biggest responsibility, our most important needs. Being the father, head of household, and the only provider of these vital needs, he reminded us of these roles often, he has the authority to decide for us, over-ride our wishes, and to demand from us obedience and high performance in return. His reasons for any discipline or rules were taught to us and lied down onto us without a question. As a child, I remembered them as absolute teachings, and thought that these were all I need, and did not realize I need anything, especially psychological needs. Therefore, I would consider my father quite insensitive to our needs, and that I was also unaware of my needs too when I was a child. My father would decide for me whether I should take up an instrument, or a language, or what school to go to before my secondary school. He decided that I should go to learn piano, and then seeing that my homework was too much for me, he decided that I was to quit.


My mother also demanded complete compliance, and parental love was also not overtly expressed with affection, praises, but through her care and discipline. She had a different ideology of claiming authority from my father’s. She firmly believed and taught us that her commands were to our best interest and benefits in the long run, and as children, she could understand that we might not see it because we did not know what it would be like when a child grow up, and what a child needs as he/she grows up to be a useful and industrious adult. I cannot explain, but I trusted her, so I mostly felt very guilty when I cannot complied to her, and agreed with her physical punishment, as she has clear reasons whether she applied them, all physical and non-physical punishment, eg, not being allowed to watch TV because we had not finished our homework in the agreed time. She was actually stricter than our father, and because she was very much involved in everything we did and in our daily lives, we received more punishments from her than our father. She used most of her time on our disciplines and with time I also benefit a lot from having a good self-care, studying habit, perseverance in academic work, politeness and humbleness in my relationship with peers and adults, under her strict discipline. Her rules and punishments were very much tailored to train our specific routines, and what we need to develop as a child, and relevant to our likes and dislikes.


I would therefore consider both my parents authoritarian, in that they both have high demands and lack of affection. My father fitted better in this category as he might be quite insensitive to our needs too. However, I would consider my mother an authoritative and authoritarian parent, because she was also very much involved and cared about in all of our lives as a child, and very responsive and sensitive to our developments, abilities, and yet non-expressive of her affection, and weighted low on our psychological needs.


As an adult now, I am more and more grateful of my mother’s discipline and shaping of my abilities and as a responsible person. I truly did not think children can decide for themselves at small age, what they need, and even what they like, as they have not been exposed to enough to know their abilities and tastes. I agree that there is a range of abilities and propensities in every child and they can be shaped during children in directions that would foster accomplishments and a responsible attitude as an adult. My mother put a lot of emphasis in her disciplinary design to shape our language development, and I have to say, that is the best access I have now, and it would be very difficult to re-develop that area in adulthood. We have sensible mastery of English and Chinese, and this could not have developed from my likes or dislikes as a child.

I would recommend parents to be sensitive to the abilities, likes and propensities of their children, and yet they can still shape their children accordingly with reasonable and clearly communicated rules and guidelines.

Cultural Exchange between East-West on Adolescence

Hi Shela

Nice meeting you via email. I am a year 1 student of the PsyD program taught by Dr Zelm, and in my early thirties. Currently I am doing research with patients who first experience psychosis in a teaching hospital. I am very happy to have got your email so soon! I was intended to email you yesterday but Dr Zelm said wait a while until your professor has announced about this first.

The idea of talking to real people from a different background on the other side of the world is very exciting indeed!

How would you describe / consider the impact of (i -> iii) in your adolescence?
i) your intellectual growth: any important decision made during your adolescence that you still feel a great impact now?
ii) your parents
iii) your peer (white and black Americans)


Instructions from Dr Zelm:
"Below, you will see that you have been paired with a USA “partner” for this assignment. All students are in the PsyD program, and most are in their first year. They are also taking Lifespan Development on-line with another instructor. They use the same textbook but they have different readings and assignments. They are of all ages (25 to 55 years), level of clinical experience, ethnicity (Caucasian, African American, Asian) and many live far from California, so they are a fairly diverse group. We ask you and your USA partner to initiate e-mail contact during the week of 6 November and to discuss your adolescent experiences, based on your assignment from last week. Both classes have read the same article on the stages of adolescence, and both classes completed the same assignment. "


a. What did you learn about the adolescent experience of your partner?

b. What similarities and differences do you note with your own?

c. If possible based on what you have learned from your partner, consider what might account for these differences, such as: nationality, age, ethnicity/race, gender, socioeconomic status, family relationships.

d. Please comment on this experience – interesting/not interesting, useful/not useful, fun/stressful? Any other comments?


My first partner is an Indian American who was born in India and immigrated to America with her parents when she was one year old. She was raised in America and grew up with Americans peers (White and Black) and had very few Indian peers.

Our parents were quite involved in both of our lives from childhood through adulthood. She experienced this importance in her strong attachment with her parents. She also experienced this importance in her choice of interest and subjects to take during her adolescence. She would rather have a good relationship with her parents and so after a few fights , she gradually grew out of it without their support. Her parents later on felt quite guilty of not being supportive of her in her early teens about drama.

My parents have also been very involved in my life from childhood through adulthood, and in much similar ways as hers: during my adolescence, in my choice of interest and academic subjects that had great implication on my future career. The key difference was that I experienced this as their authority as parents over me as their adolescent child, rather than a sense of strong attachment like my US partner.

I also did not fight much and maintained a harmonious relationship with my parents as much as possible, however, I continued or persevered with my choice quietly, secretly, and delayed its expression until years later. After from those 2 areas, and about religions, my parents did give me much freehand as well regarding choice of friends, and how to spend my time, and can happily tolerate separation for the sake of better education during my adolescence like my US partner.


Both of us were not rebellious in our adolescence, even though due to difference reasons, and this may be due to our cultural background that stress a lot on the importance of family in one’s life. I guess, for my US partner, she is getting the benefits of both cultures, a tradition of close family-ties from Indian culture, and the willingness to overtly express love and affection between family members in the American culture, and that forms her basis of strong attachment with her parents.

For me, my Chinese cultural background formed the basis of me trying to keep a harmonious relationship in the traditional power structure of a Chinese family: parents have the authority as seniors in the family, and children’s role is to obey. That was why I did not rebel overtly with my parents. However, as emotions or affections were not usually expressed between family members, I experience more distance and hierarchy in my child-parent relationship, and so less attachment than my US partner.

I have never realized my lack of attachment with my parents in the midst of such harmonious and trusting relationships within my family. Not until I have this assignments and when I talked with others. I got this impression too from my comparison with my other US partner too. And that is why this has given me a profound impact. I have to re-think again about the impact of my few struggles with my parents and also I have never realized that I am in a child-parent hierarchy inherited from my cultural background and that it does have an impact on my emotional feelings and relationship with my parents.


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My second partner is of English and Irish descent and grew up in a rural community’s lower-middle class family.

I shared with her independence from peer pressure because we both felt not being part of our peer groups, only for different reasons. She felt indifferent to her peer’s existence and like more in her private world. I, too, stayed in my private world, part of it like her because of not being understood, did not share our peer’s interests, like popular music, but I was more because of the alienation I felt from my peers who were mostly in the upper socioeconomic class. My US partner did not felt the impact of social class in social relationships in US.

My alienation also came from the superiority in academic achievements of my peers who came from the upper class family. While there was neither little competition nor challenging work involved in my US partner’s school years, academic merits meant a lot to the students at my secondary school. I felt left alone while my US partner felt indifferent to her peers. I developed my own reliance system, struggling hard to accept my weakness academically but that I had other strengths in more subtle ways, and gradually stayed out of the competition among my student peers. Some of my peers built up strong friendships with me because I came from a different part of the world from them and so there was no obvious competition between us and we can stay quite independent of each other and yet trusting and harmonious with each other.

The difference in our puberty experience is firstly physical, and secondly cultural, I guess. I just happened to have a late, smooth and physically insignificant puberty as compared to my US partner. Diet and genes may contribute to that difference. But the impact of the physical change on our psychological well-being might be very different if I were to go through her traumatic change.

It could be that I came from a cultural background that stress a lot on academic merits and personal achievement, competitively, and where physical appearance, although important to any adolescent, can at most come second, after achievements. I might have less of an impact on my self-perception given my social background and expectation. Personal excellence did had a high impact on my peer relationships during my adolescence, much more than my US partner. I guess this might be better understood as the difference between rural and cosmopolitan upbringing, plus that Asian parents usually put more emphasis on academics than American parents, than purely cultural.

One very nice surprise in this exchange is that I run into somebody who loves Ballet as well. I also danced over 15 years, quitted very reluctantly and felt such a lost of personal identity and emotional attachment too when I quitted it. I have never shared with anybody regarding this lost, as I have always thought that it was a bit obscure and sounds obsessive to me. We wrote at length about the lost and the emotional imbalance we went through. I also found running as a substitute too. In recent years, I tried Flamingo dancing, and she has recently restarted Ballet. We felt more at peace with some kind of dancing even after we had quitted for over a decade now. It brought me such a great relief regarding my lost of Ballet as I can talk with her without the fear of being obscure or what. Only when I put this in writing and have a listening ear, an echoing person, I experience a relief that I had never known of. I never know that I still feel the lost of it, not until I talked with her.

Thank you for the very insightful assignment. It was indeed unexpectedly insightful for me.

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