Love does not seek its own

愛不求自己的益處

Chinese summary of Rev Smedes' passage

(I) "Love does not seek its own things."

That is, love does not drive us to get and keep what is properly ours - our property

– for which we need not thank anyone. If we do not get these things, we are victims of an injustice. Justice is done when everyone gets what is coming to him or her. We seek justice when we seek "our own." We have justice when we get "our own."

Can we be loving and assertive?

Love does not move us to seek justice for ourselves. Love will drive us to move heaven and earth to seek justice for others.

Love does not cancel anyone's rights. But agapic love moves one freely to forgo one's claim on what one has a right to have. God's love does this to every person it touches. It comes as a power in life that moves us to pass up our chances to seize what belongs to us.

There is a way to cope with this tension which rec­ognizes the priority of self-denying love and also ad­mits the legitimacy of self-asserting justice.

1. Seeking our rights for the sake of others' rights. If I can help my neighbor get his rights by asserting my own, agapic love is on the side of asserting them. But if sacrificing my rights is required in order to help my neighbor get his rights, agapic love will move me to make the sac­rifice. Seeking your own rights is thus consistent with agapic love to the extent that doing so helps a neighbor.

2. Seeking our rights to fulfill our calling to stewardship.

A second occasion for seeking our own rights goes deeply into the very reason we exist. we must sometimes assert our rights in order to fulfil that calling. We are born into the world with a job to do. And the job we have to do is the job of taking care of God's world and God's people. Agapic love moves us to be good stewards. Thus, whenever someone gets in the way of my stewardship, I must somehow remove that obstacle. I must demand my rights so that I can take care of my corner of God's earth.

3. Seeking the right to truth of what we are. We have an undeniable right to be what we truly are and to be known as what we are. What we are is the image of God. God himself is our model. He asserts himself by in­sisting on his own divine holiness. Holiness is God's zeal for the truth about himself. His revelation of holi­ness is a manifesto of his inalienable right to be known as the exclusive Lord of creation.

What are the guidelines for sacrificing rights?

1. We may not force other people to sacrifice their rights.

2. We ought not to sacrifice our rights if doing so would hinder the progress of rights for others.

3. Any sacrifice of our rights must leave us in a state to love effectively another day. Love is without limit, but lovers are limited. Each of us has a certain supply of energy and only so much time and power to expend it. Prudence will sometimes set limits to self-giving for the sake of effective love.

Love needs discernment / spiritual wisdom

Being willing to sacrifice our rights is one thing; know­ing when is another. Love needs the sensitive gift of discernment. Discern­ment is insight into the mixture of motives moving our own hearts. Love needs the gift of discernment to focus its drive toward others in helping service.

Discernment is an answer to prayer. Paul tells us he prayed that his fellow Christians would be "filled with the knowledge of his [God's] will in spiritual wis­dom and understanding" (Colossians 1:9). He was praying for discernment. Spiritual wisdom helps us decide when to speak and when to keep silent, when to act and when to wait, when to fight and when to surrender. Spiritual wisdom - fallible and subjective - is the power to know what is really going on when others are camou­flaging the issues. And it is the power to know what is really going on inside our own hearts.

(II) "Love does not seek its own self."

Love is the power that moves us to seek others. This being true, love appears to resist one of the deepest drives within any healthy being - the drive to discover and become one's own ideal self.

What is it that we seek when we seek ourselves?

1. We seek self-knowledge. We cannot be at peace with ourselves until we know who we really are, i.e., to know our own identity.

2. We seek to become ourselves. This is the goal of every person awake to his or her own potential.

If we' make our self the end, the ultimate goal, the final aim of our striving, we are in conflict with agapic love. Love does not seek its self as the living end. Instead love is the power that drives us to seek our selves as a means to being agents of love.

Love needs self-seeking

1. Agapic love takes a lot of energy. To be in loving condition for the rigors of agape, we need to be physically and spiritually fit.

2. Love must do its work now through the reality of our actual selves. Love cannot wait until we find and become our ideal selves. For this reason, our self-seek­ing must also take the form of a search for and an ac­ceptance of our real selves.

3. Love requires us to seek a self that is wise, discreet, and politic, so that it can do its work through us. Ef­fective love is as much an art as it is a good intention, and like all art, it comes with hard work, persistent seeking for our most effective selves.

Love gives us freedom from self-seeking.

The ideal self is an intolerant self. It will never forgive us for failing to be what we ought ideally to be. It becomes our demanding idol. But most of us are uncertain as to what our ideal self is really like. Is the ideal self the assertive self? or the sexy self? or the powerful self? or perhaps the self of moral virtue? Maybe it is a composite of all these. Unsure, we bow frantically to them all, being confused about our search, and deeply anxious to become all that his/her ideal self demands. It is the essence of what Paul called the commandment that promises life but kills us in the end (Romans 7:10), let the ideal defeat us, and force us into quiet despair and secret guilt.

Love liberates us from the idol of our ideal selves. It does not deny that there is an ideal self; it only refuses to move us to seek the ideal self as an ultimate goal. W ith the gift of love, we can accept our real selves, far removed from the ideal, and live lovingly through these limited and warped and blemished selves. It convinces us that God accepts our actual self in forgiveness and adoption as his children. God's love, then, shows us that our actual, blemished self is the only self that can be an agent of love.

Love liberates us from this idol by showing that the ideal self can and will be handled by God. Jesus Christ is the model of our ideal self; he is what we are meant to be. And God will lead us to that self in his own time. Love itself will give us the ideal self, love does not need to seek its own self as the ultimate goal in life.

Love's liberation allows us to regard our ideal self with a sense of humor. We can strive with God's help to be a better self, to become more of our ideal, our true, Christian self. We know that the only purpose for seek­ing our ideal selves is to become better at seeking oth­ers. And we, in love, can now seek others with our real selves. We can seek others the better, in fact, the more we leave the ideal self with God and let love move us the way we are.

撮要自 已故牧師Rev. LB. Smedes之「愛在限制中: 在自私的世界中實踐無私的愛Love within limits: realizing selfless love in a selfish world. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1979. 」 Rev. Smedes was a retired minister in the Christian Reformed Church, a former ethics professor at Fuller Theological Seminary. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_B._Smedes