Love is not boastful, arrogant, or rude

Love has Poise 愛使人優雅自處

Rev Smedes - Chinese

Love is not boastful, arrogant, or rude.

愛是不自誇，不張狂，不做害羞的事

Boasting is a way of trying to look good when we suspect we are not good. To get other's respect, reassurance, support, we create an image out of our symbols (things we wear, cars, the people we want to be seen with, the offices we try to win), to distort reality so we can grab our praise that we suspect we cannot earn.

Arrogance is an anxious grasp for power when we fear that we are weak. It is power without authenticity or authority. If we have authentic knowledge, we have intellectual power. If we have authentic leadership skills and a mandate to lead, we have power to lead. Such authentically based power is good. Arrogant people stride into prominent places; make decisions for groups and assume the others will follow. They use people as stepping-stones to power. The arrogant parent manipulates the child to feel powerful (psychological and moral power), look and feel good. Worse yet, the child is being educated not in love but in manipulation, and is learning that what counts are not what you are, but what you can do to get control of people.

Arrogance leads us to assume to be the Creator, a god, independent, self-reliant, and this leaves us empty at the center, as we are then attacked by fear and anxiety. We are worried that we lack the power to become what our pride makes us think we are. We can never get enough power to fill the soul's needs or enough to overcome the fear that we deserve less than we are getting. Arrogance causes rudeness.

Rudeness is putting people down in order to try to hold us up. Crude people have not learned the manners of society, but rude people are so anxious to stay upright he bruise anyone who threatens them.

All three result from a loss of balance that comes when we are empty at the center.

Love is the power of poise because it provides ballast at the center of our lives.

Humility , the opposite of arrogance and boasting., a willingness to accept the real relationship between God and oneself. It is the strength of accepting one's status as a dependent creature – an invaluable, responsible, creative person, but still a creature who needs the energy of God to exist at all.

Humility is the grace to accept oneself before God as a sinner, and to plead for and accept forgiveness. This self-acceptance in humility is blessed with the gift to acknowledge God as Creator and Savior. In realism we admit our private emptiness, so that the center of our lies can be filled by the Spirit of Christ. We admit weakness and claim strength at the same time. Realism relievs us of the need to boast and be arrogant because it frees us from having to fill our inner emptiness by others' praise or our own power. Our emptiness is filled by God.

A person who sets her heart on great things is high-minded . Sensing her own potential, she gracefully moves out toward achievement of good and notable things. She does not fear recognition or despise honor. Indeed, she likes what is truly honourable, worthy of honor, and so does not refuse honor out of false modesty. High-minded people also appreciate power, because there are many good things one cannot get done without power, seeking power to do good for others.

Love is not arrogant, but love can be high-minded. Love has poise, the power to stand up straight. "Poise" originally referred to the weight placed in the center of a sailing ship for balance. By ourselves, without God, we are too light at the center, we boast, become arrogant and rude in the hope praise from others and power over others will act as external braces to make up for lack of centered weight. Poise suggests security and grace and freedom from worries about stumbling. God's love gives us centered weight. It gives us poise not by telling us we cannot fall, but by assuring us that if we do he will set us right again. As the love of God keeps coming into us, we can forget about our emptiness and move on toward others. As we realize we do not generate our power, God begins to fill us with himself and his love. As long as we love, the promise that gives us poise is sure: "God abides in us and his love is perfected in us" (1 John 4:12).

撮要自 已故牧師Rev. LB. Smedes 之「愛在限制中: 在自私的世界中實踐無私的愛Love within limits: realizing selfless love in a selfish world. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1979. 」 Rev. Smedes was a retired minister in the Christian Reformed Church, a former ethics professor at Fuller Theological Seminary. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_B._Smedes

My lovely nursing students (Year 1)

They ARE my very cutie nursing students for my course on applied psychology!

This is about half of the class at our last lesson. The other half was with another lecturer to do revision. We revise everything in this last class. They are always very talkative...I like when they asked me questions, that means they were thinking about what I said... but most of the times, they are just chatting and talking among themselves, especially when I started to lecture/talk, then they talked as well!!

We missed each other and so a gal suggested that we should take a photo together.
We'd do a serious one, and a funny one. I don't like that chair..it made me looked bulky and fat! Next time I should stand...:)

Two boys sat around me and pretend to be the Japanese Money Cat! Thanks!!!!!

Ha ha ah!!! I miss them too. Wonder if I'd teach them some other courses too later..?

My smarties colleagues!

As I come to work in my office too ....er er... or only arrive at odd
hours when no body's there or only when the security guard is
there... you really can't find me in the picture...

I am in the picture...just that you can't guess where I am.

The good news is, quite a number of my colleagues or schoolmates have graduated just THIS DEC, and have left our department already!!!
I am so happy of them, and am very proud of them. One of them shall work in around the world, setting up brain labs all over the place, and even in South Africa!!! Wow!!!

The other one has got in a Medical Doctor (MD) program and will graduate with a doctorate apart from the normal MBBS before he is 25 years old!!!
Another one got the Croucher Award... and the guy with the MD program... also got some large amount of scholarship!!

Wow!!!!!!!!!!

I am proud of them!
Well...I just study and work here, and barely be able to get things done, that sort of thing. I hope I can improve more. But I am happy to work with more and more competent colleagues!!

I wish I have more energy to face all the different challenges of my life!

Love hates Evil

Love hates Evil 愛是不喜歡不義，只喜歡真理 (Rev Smedes)

LOVE DOES NOT ENJOY EVIL.

Could it be that we all really do rejoice in evil? All it takes to rejoice in evil is to approve of its being here, to be content that we have some evil around, even though we may regret that evil has hurt us.

What do I mean by evil?

By evil, I mean everything that happens which hurts people needlessly , they are moral evil, natural evil, and accidental evil. We shall not talk about evils that do not hurt anyone. There are also things that hurt people necessarily ­like dentists' drills and surgeons' knives; these we do not call evils since they are necessary to bring about.

Moral evil is intentional. Intentional evil is done by devils and people. Natural evil is unintentional. Nat­ural evil is done by nature, though devils and people sometimes cooperate. Acci­dental evil is done by people when they do not mean to do it

There are subtle ways to rejoice in evil:
1. Philosophical rejoicing.

Sometimes people rejoice in evil by way of a philosophical explanation of it. Good and evil blends well in a giant picture in human history if we stand far enough and don't look too close from a personal view: like your hurt experienced as a first person. Thus, you can rejoice in evil, because it con­tributes to what, finally, has to be a very good, if not the best possible world.

But love will not join this profound praise of evil. To be sure, love will put up with untidy worlds, and will stand far enough away to see the whole mosaic, but love sees evil only as a monstrous blot on God's cre­ation. It is not seduced by profound speculations about universal harmony. Evil, in love's eye, is ob­scene, no matter how splendidly and fully it is dressed.

2. Theological rejoicing.

Did God somehow decree evil? No, God do not desire evil. Sometimes people think that without evil, God would never have been able to save a human soul from evil. No! Love does not affirm evil. It is the power standing in the way of yielding to the temptation to believe that God, in search of glory, gives evil a niche in His world. Evil is a strange, mysterious power whose ultimate origin no one can fathom; love is simply and clearly of God. Love does not rejoice in evil, not even in the name of theological profundity.

3. Religious rejoicing.

When religion builds altars to things less than God it brings out people's tendency to applaud evil. Idols always seduce us into an illicit affair with evil. Take devotion to one's country, for example. Patri­otism, love of one's nation, is how we express loyalty to the natural group which is second only to the family. When we worship the created state above the creator God, we are ready to call evil good.

4. Personal rejoicing.

We also rejoice in evil in more direct and personal ways - sometimes when other people are hurt by evil, sometimes even when they do evil. We rejoice when our enemies suffer evil. The more certain we are that our cause is right, the more pure our joy when the other side suffers (eg the loss of German in WWII). We rejoice when we think we are only indignant, disgusted, or nauseated. Take the discovery that someone we know - but have never liked very well - has fallen into a sexual sin. We may make use of the occasion in full measure of indignant fury. Others will only be dis­gusted. And so we have a chance to enjoy the evil.

Love rejects evil

Love, in contrast, is a power that moves us only to regret evil - anywhere, in any form, by any cause. This is a paradox, for agapic love, like God, does its best work in response to evil. It builds a state on which love is forgiving, healing, and redeem­ing. But love rejoices only when evil is destroyed. It rejoices with the truth. Why is it truth, not goodness, that is contrasted with evil? Truth keeps love honest, reminding it that an enemy loved is still an enemy, a sinner forgiven no less a sin­ner. Truth keeps love from sweeping the realities about people under a shaggy carpet of agapic good will. So love rejoices with the truth.

Love rejoices with the truth which is Jesus Christ, and rejoicing with Christ we re­vel in reality as it is meant to be. We are glad to be alive in a world where truth can be known uniquely as the reality that is Jesus Christ. Rejoicing with the truth puts us on the side of the future. To rejoice with the truth is to bet your life on Christ as victor over evil.

In the first place, love lets us see that evil never belongs anywhere; it has no right to exist. In the second place, love opens our minds to the possibility that evil has in fact been defeated. The truth is victory over evil; this is reality. No wonder that love rejoices with the truth. Love well knows that God is able to bring blessing out of evil.

Love knows that life now is ambiguous. But love can bear it. Love can even rejoice in this mixed­up life because it rejoices with the truth, the Truth who will "reconcile all things to himself" (Colossians 1:20) and thus make the whole world i true again. Love man­ages well in a world like ours; but love never approves of the evil that makes our good world the mixed reality it is.

-----------------------------

撮要自 已故牧師Rev. LB. Smedes 之「愛在限制中: 在自私的世界中實踐無私的愛Love within limits: realizing selfless love in a selfish world. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1979. 」 Rev. Smedes was a retired minister in the Christian Reformed Church, a former ethics professor at Fuller Theological Seminary. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_B._Smedes

Rev Smedes' quotes on Forgiveness

I'd keep aggregating the right mind, attitude, love, and courage, and spiritual wisdom in these 2 months before I make the step to contact KB regarding our meeting half a year - 1 yr later.

My words for KB (in orange highlight):

It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited.
Rev Lewis B. Smedes

When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it.
Rev Lewis B. Smedes (Change to "Hurt")



You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.
Rev Lewis B. Smedes



Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.
Rev Lewis B. Smedes


To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
Rev Lewis B. Smedes



From http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/l/lewis_b_smedes.html

[More quotes from Rev Smedes, Philip Yancy and others]

Christian-based PsyD Internships in Washington or Boston

Does anybody know how competitive and what is it like for Christian-based Internship programs in Washington or in Boston??

I am doing a PsyD (Doctorate in Clinical Psychology) program from California off-shore. That means I do all the coursework and placements in my locality, in China, and then I do my internships (pre-doctoral and post-doctoral) and licensure exam in US. It is a very innovative & controversial program, certainly no one has heard of it, I believe.

I am the first-intake of this program, and no body really knows what'd happen to us, and whether we'd get to the stage for licensure exams... Our program is quite certain that they'd get California pre-doctoral internships for us. As they are the largest PsyD-producing institute in California, and they have connections to take in bilingual Psychologists. As all of us are Bilinguals or Trilinguals, so getting an internships that serve Chinese in California is kind of easy for them. And, only a few of us would like to go to US to get the US license, anyway... People can earn much more here than in US, for most of my classmates, they are professionals already here...and so being a Clin Psy in US doesn't sound too attractive.

But I like the well-established CP system, psychological service in US. Very much advanced than that in my hometown. And there is a long history of Christian integration of Psychology and theology, pastoral counselling here in US than anywhere in the world, and not to say my hometown.

Therefore, I want to get Christian-based internships. OR internships at Psychiatry Department in an university (like medical school), as I can then go on with my brain imaging research. I am not sure which way I should go. I haven't discerned that from God..yet.

Language concerns
I have been working with an Irish-boss in an English-speaking research team in univ. for 7yrs or so. Therefore, I am fluent in English, but with a Chinese accent and mostly British pronounciations. I can serve both Chinese or English-speaking people. I am able to do simple conversation in Thai, but don't think I can make it up to the standard of carrying out a psychological assessment in Thai, but in Chinese and English, absolutely no problem.

Where do you think I can get information regarding Christian-based PsyD Pre-doctoral Internships in US (esp Washington & Boston?)

I would like to learn from experience of students participating or those who know people who are doing such Christian-based PsyD or PhD in Clin Psy in US!!!

I can download information from the official websites, but I know NO ONE who can share his/her experience with me ah...

Any personal referral?????

Thanks Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!

Love has Poise

Love has Poise 有愛的人能自處

Love is not boastful, arrogant, or rude. 愛是不自誇，不張狂，不做害羞的事

Boasting is a way of trying to look good when we suspect we are not good. To get other's respect, reassurance, support, we create an image out of our symbols (things we wear, cars, the people we want to be seen with, the offices we try to win), to distort reality so we can grab our praise that we suspect we cannot earn.

Arrogance is an anxious grasp for power when we fear that we are weak. It is power without authenticity or authority. If we have authentic knowledge, we have intellectual power. If we have authentic leadership skills and a mandate to lead, we have power to lead. Such authentically based power is good. Arrogant people stride into prominent places; make decisions for groups and assume the others will follow. They use people as stepping-stones to power. The arrogant parent manipulates the child to feel powerful (psychological and moral power), look and feel good. Worse yet, the child is being educated not in love but in manipulation, and is learning that what counts are not what you are, but what you can do to get control of people.

Arrogance leads us to assume to be the Creator, a god, independent, self-reliant, and this leaves us empty at the center, as we are then attacked by fear and anxiety. We are worried that we lack the power to become what our pride makes us think we are. We can never get enough power to fill the soul's needs or enough to overcome the fear that we deserve less than we are getting. Arrogance causes rudeness.

Rudeness is putting people down in order to try to hold us up. Crude people have not learned the manners of society, but rude people are so anxious to stay upright he bruise anyone who threatens them.

All three result from a loss of balance that comes when we are empty at the center .

Love is the power of poise because it provides ballast at the center of our lives.

Humility , the opposite of arrogance and boasting., a willingness to accept the real relationship between God and oneself. It is the strength of accepting one's status as a dependent creature – an invaluable, responsible, creative person, but still a creature who needs the energy of God to exist at all.

Humility is the grace to accept oneself before God as a sinner, and to plead for and accept forgiveness. This self-acceptance in humility is blessed with the gift to acknowledge God as Creator and Savior. In realism we admit our private emptiness, so that the center of our lies can be filled by the Spirit of Christ. We admit weakness and claim strength at the same time. Realism relievs us of the need to boast and be arrogant because it frees us from having to fill our inner emptiness by others' praise or our own power. Our emptiness is filled by God.

A person who sets her heart on great things is high-minded . Sensing her own potential, she gracefully moves out toward achievement of good and notable things. She does not fear recognition or despise honor. Indeed, she likes what is truly honourable, worthy of honor, and so does not refuse honor out of false modesty. High-minded people also appreciate power, because there are many good things one cannot get done without power, seeking power to do good for others.

Love is not arrogant, but love can be high-minded.

Love has poise, the power to stand up straight. "Poise" originally referred to the weight placed in the center of a sailing ship for balance. By ourselves, without God, we are too light at the center, we boast, and become arrogant and rude in the hope praise from others and power over others will act as external braces to make up for lack of centered weight. Poise suggests security and grace and freedom from worries about stumbling and making a fool of you. It is God's love that gives us centered weight on the inside. It gives us poise not by telling us we cannot fall, but by assuring us that if we do he will set us right again . As the love of God keeps coming into us from outside, we can forget about our emptiness and move on toward others. As we realize that ourselves do not generate our power, God begins to fill us with himself and his love. As long as we love, the promise that gives us poise is sure: " God abides in us and his love is perfected in us" (1 John 4:12 ).

撮要自 已故牧師Rev. LB. Smedes之「愛在限制中: 在自私的世界中實踐無私的愛Love within limits: realizing selfless love in a selfish world. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1979. 」 Rev. Smedes was a retired minister in the Christian Reformed Church, a former ethics professor at Fuller Theological Seminary. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_B._Smedes

Love does not seek its own

Love does not seek its own 愛不求自己的益處

Chinese summary of Rev Smedes' passage

I) "Love does not seek its own things."

That is, love does not drive us to get and keep what is properly ours - our property – for which we need not thank anyone. If we do not get these things, we are victims of an injustice. Justice is done when everyone gets what is coming to him or her. We seek justice when we seek "our own." We have justice when we get "our own."

Can we be loving and assertive?

Love does not move us to seek justice for ourselves. Love will drive us to move heaven and earth to seek justice for others.

Love does not cancel anyone's rights. But agapic love moves one freely to forgo one's claim on what one has a right to have. God's love does this to every person it touches. It comes as a power in life that moves us to pass up our chances to seize what belongs to us.

There is a way to cope with this tension which rec­ognizes the priority of self-denying love and also ad­mits the legitimacy of self-asserting justice.

1. Seeking our rights for the sake of others' rights. If I can help my neighbor get his rights by asserting my own, agapic love is on the side of asserting them. But if sacrificing my rights is required in order to help my neighbor get his rights, agapic love will move me to make the sac­rifice. Seeking your own rights is thus consistent with agapic love to the extent that doing so helps a neighbor.

2. Seeking our rights to fulfill our calling to stewardship. A second occasion for seeking our own rights goes deeply into the very reason we exist. we must sometimes assert our rights in order to fulfil that calling. We are born into the world with a job to do. And the job we have to do is the job of taking care of God's world and God's people. Agapic love moves us to be good stewards. Thus, whenever someone gets in the way of my stewardship, I must somehow remove that obstacle. I must demand my rights so that I can take care of my corner of God's earth.

3. Seeking the right to truth of what we are. We have an undeniable right to be what we truly are and to be known as what we are. What we are is the image of God. God himself is our model. He asserts himself by in­sisting on his own divine holiness. Holiness is God's zeal for the truth about himself. His revelation of holi­ness is a manifesto of his inalienable right to be known as the exclusive Lord of creation.

What are the guidelines for sacrificing rights?

1. We may not force other people to sacrifice their rights.

2. We ought not to sacrifice our rights if doing so would hinder the progress of rights for others.

3. Any sacrifice of our rights must leave us in a state to love effectively another day. Love is without limit, but lovers are limited. Each of us has a certain supply of energy and only so much time and power to expend it. Prudence will sometimes set limits to self-giving for the sake of effective love.

Love needs discernment / spiritual wisdom

Being willing to sacrifice our rights is one thing; know­ing when is another. Love needs the sensitive gift of discernment. Discern­ment is insight into the mixture of motives moving our own hearts. Love needs the gift of discernment to focus its drive toward others in helping service.

Discernment is an answer to prayer. Paul tells us he prayed that his fellow Christians would be "filled with the knowledge of his [God's] will in spiritual wis­dom and understanding" (Colossians 1:9). He was praying for discernment. Spiritual wisdom helps us decide when to speak and when to keep silent, when to act and when to wait, when to fight and when to surrender. Spiritual wisdom - fallible and subjective - is the power to know what is really going on when others are camou­flaging the issues. And it is the power to know what is really going on inside our own hearts.

II) "Love does not seek its own self." Love is the power that moves us to seek others. This being true, love appears to resist one of the deepest drives within any healthy being - the drive to discover and become one's own ideal self.

What is it that we seek when we seek ourselves?

1. We seek self-knowledge. We cannot be at peace with ourselves until we know who we really are, i.e., to know our own identity.

2. We seek to become ourselves. This is the goal of every person awake to his or her own potential.

If we' make our self the end, the ultimate goal, the final aim of our striving, we are in conflict with agapic love. Love does not seek its self as the living end. Instead love is the power that drives us to seek our selves as a means to being agents of love.

Love needs self-seeking

1. Agapic love takes a lot of energy. To be in loving condition for the rigors of agape, we need to be physically and spiritually fit.

2. Love must do its work now through the reality of our actual selves. Love cannot wait until we find and become our ideal selves. For this reason, our self-seek­ing must also take the form of a search for and an ac­ceptance of our real selves.

3. Love requires us to seek a self that is wise, discreet, and politic, so that it can do its work through us. Ef­fective love is as much an art as it is a good intention, and like all art, it comes with hard work, persistent seeking for our most effective selves.

Love gives us freedom from self-seeking.

The ideal self is an intolerant self. It will never forgive us for failing to be what we ought ideally to be. It becomes our demanding idol. But most of us are uncertain as to what our ideal self is really like. Is the ideal self the assertive self? or the sexy self? or the powerful self? or perhaps the self of moral virtue? Maybe it is a composite of all these. Unsure, we bow frantically to them all, being confused about our search, and deeply anxious to become all that his/her ideal self demands. It is the essence of what Paul called the commandment that promises life but kills us in the end (Romans 7:10), let the ideal defeat us, and force us into quiet despair and secret guilt.

Love liberates us from the idol of our ideal selves. It does not deny that there is an ideal self; it only refuses to move us to seek the ideal self as an ultimate goal. W ith the gift of love, we can accept our real selves, far removed from the ideal, and live lovingly through these limited and warped and blemished selves. It convinces us that God accepts our actual self in forgiveness and adoption as his children. God's love, then, shows us that our actual, blemished self is the only self that can be an agent of love.

Love liberates us from this idol by showing that the ideal self can and will be handled by God. Jesus Christ is the model of our ideal self; he is what we are meant to be. And God will lead us to that self in his own time. Love itself will give us the ideal self, love does not need to seek its own self as the ultimate goal in life.

Love's liberation allows us to regard our ideal self with a sense of humor. We can strive with God's help to be a better self, to become more of our ideal, our true, Christian self. We know that the only purpose for seek­ing our ideal selves is to become better at seeking oth­ers. And we, in love, can now seek others with our real selves. We can seek others the better, in fact, the more we leave the ideal self with God and let love move us the way we are.

撮要自 已故牧師Rev. LB. Smedes之「愛在限制中: 在自私的世界中實踐無私的愛Love within limits: realizing selfless love in a selfish world. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1979. 」 Rev. Smedes was a retired minister in the Christian Reformed Church, a former ethics professor at Fuller Theological Seminary. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_B._Smedes

Love is NOT Resentful

Love is not Resentful 愛裏不計算人的惡

Chinese version

RESENTMENT IS YESTERDAY'S irritation scratched into the sensitive membranes of our memory. Any evil once done is an everlasting fact. We remember the hurts so that we ca! n enjoy the pain of yesterday over and over again. We keep it alive for the pleasure we can get from our resentment against the one who hurts us. We also enjoy feeling noble and worthy as the decent person who was wrongly hurt.

Resentment brings us deadly pleasures.

Resentment forces a neighbor to be and remain an enemy. As we insist on keeping score of hurts, resent­ment feeds our anxiety that we are behind in this game of ill-will and must catch up. Each one must pay for the pain he caused before he can face us as a moral equal. We insulate ourselves from feeling any obligation to re­member his needs. We frame that single wrong vividly, intensely, painfully in our memory. This is how resentment justifies our refusal to love by falsifying reality.

We want the offending person to remember the wrong as clearly as we do, so that when we finally even the score, he will be hurt enough to satisfy us. Resent­ment is really a painful desire that the other person feel a pain he knows he deserves.

Suppose that it was you who once caused hurt to someone, and that the person you hurt has kept the memory of that alive for years. He has woven a tangled web of resentment against you. You have felt it, obliquely and subtly but acutely. You felt his anger without explanation, rejection without confron­tation. His resentment has hurt you just as it has been hurting him. He lets your hurtful act fester in his mind; you let his refusal to forgive fester in your mind. Resentment in both parties make reconciliation difficult.

Love exorcises resentment.

Needless to say, agapic love does not shield us from hurt. Love is not a desensitizer. The loving person hurts, and he knows who and what caused the hurt. Love has the power to look cruel facts in the face, see them for what they are, even when aimed at us . Love does not blind us to reality or gloss over pain. But love's concern for the hurts of the one who causes hurt empowers us to forgive before we dig a channel for resentment in our memory.

Love alone has the power to release memory's grip on yesterday's evil, for only love is the power that moves us toward people without expectation of return and therefore with a great tolerance for hurt. The person with the power to forget is the person who can bring others around to doing the same. Able to start fresh for himself, leaving past history's confu­sion tangled, he can carry on Christ's own ministry of reconciliation.

Love is the power that drives us toward the other who has done us wrong because it is able to tear up every moral score­ card. This is reconciliation, and reconciliation is love's ultimate goal.

Love does not demand explanations and apologies or keep accounts.

Love does not take pleasure in remembering how much we have coming from people who hurt us.

For love is the power whose only direction is the help, healing, and salvation of the other person.

This is why love has the power to overcome resentment.

撮要自 已故牧師Rev. LB. Smedes之「愛在限制中: 在自私的世界中實踐無私的愛Love within limits: realizing selfless love in a selfish world. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1979. 」 Rev. Smedes was a retired minister in the Christian Reformed Church, a former ethics professor at Fuller Theological Seminary. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_B._Smedes

Love is NOT Irritable

Love is not Irritable 愛裏不輕易發怒

Chinese version

Irritability is a spiritual readiness to get angry. Anger is an emotion, even a kind of passion. And it brings pain; anger makes us scream and sometimes cry be­cause of the pain. But anger is also energy. An angry person wants to tear things apart. Unlike sadness, which is heavy and immobile, anger pushes us into attack.

The basic cause of irritability is erotic love. Erotic love is the root of irritability because it is personal power generated by personal need. We reach out and strive for anything that promises to satisfy our deep desires to be complete human beings. This restless reaching beyond us is what erotic love is. Erotic love is the root of irritability because our pur­suit of fullness always falls short of the perfect ending. Our frustrated need for the satisfaction of being a fulfilled, complete person is the single, deepest cause of our irrita­bility.

Being irritable is not a sin; but it is the inevitable result of being a sinful creature trying to grow into maturity and fullness. But being irritable is a possible menace, for it robs us of joy and it can always spread into hostility.

Some things agapic love does not do for irritability

1. Agape does not disguise anger. We give signals to other people that they have done some­thing that deserves anger, but that we are too good to get angry. This gives us the luxury of expressing anger without the risk of having it thrown back at us. Disguising anger relieves other people of the re­sponsibility of doing something about our anger. But it forces them to cope with an irritable person, who will not let his or her anger be recognized for what it is. And the disguises behind which life is lived in painful anger only prevent us from changing the situation that causes the real anger, and makes us more irritable.

2. Agape does not unleash anger . "Be angry, but do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26). He may have been saying: "Do not disguise your anger, but do not let it roam the streets unleashed either."

3. Agape does not remove irritants from our lives. If divine love possessed everyone in our environment, we might be free of irritants. People irritate us by rubbing our sensitive egos. They ignore us when we need to be noticed. They remind us of duty when we want to have fun. People even irritate us by their love. Love is often put in clumsy hands. People push into our lives and cling to us with love when we want to be left alone.

4. Agape does not reduce irritability by forbidding anger. Agapic love does not overcome our irritability by persuading us that we should not be irritable. If we try love because we are commanded, we will only become the more irritable as people and prevent us from feeling loving. To forbid all anger in the name of love is as mistaken as forbidding someone to be irritable. Love does not make anger wrong. There are things in life that demand our getting angry at them. Not to feel anger at them would mean we are either insensitive to evil or afraid to feel anger. We would be less than human if we failed to get angry at pain and the loss of precious things in our own lives. Jeremiah was seething when he said, "I am full of the wrath of the Lord; I am weary of holding it in" Jeremiah 6:11). Jesus was furious with the Phari­sees.

What does agapic love do to reduce irritability?

Generally, love reduces irritability because Love has the power to turn the direction of our desire towards the needs of other people.

1. Agapic love reduces irritability because it meets our deepest need. There is no way to experience the power of agape without experiencing God himself. This is the point John makes persistently: "If we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. . . . God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him" (1 John 4:12, 16).

2. Agapic love reduces the potential for frustration.

Agapic love dethrones self-satisfaction as the ruling monarch of our lives. Once satisfying our own deepest desires is less than our ultimate goal, love begins to reduce our irritability by thrusting our energies in the direction of the needs and rights of other people. Agape does not take away the needs that eros seeks to satisfy nor reduce the number of things that frustrate us, but we no longer feel the frustrations in the same way. A shift of concern from self to others reduces irritation.

3. Agapic love gives power to communicate anger. The power of love gives us the freedom to admit that we are angry and to express our anger constructively.

4. Agapic love increases gratitude. Agapic love is the power to overcome irritability because it is the power to see life as a gift. The world is a gift, a playground where we discover our very selves as gifts of God. The first breath of the morning, the chance to be healthy, the opportunity to work - all of it a gift from God! Gratitude is an antidote to irritability.

In sum, first, agapic love does not unravel a lifetime of irritability at once. The inflam­mation of the ego takes a long time to heal. Second, we need to get angry, and we need the ability for rage. Agapic love, in fact, will move us to anger at things that leave a person cold who is driven only by a need to satisfy himself. Things that do not touch us directly may infuriate us because they frustrate our brothers and sisters in their move for justice. With agapic love we will be given a new power for anger, but at the same time we will be amazed at our tolerance for annoyances that used to drive us up the wall because they blocked our way to pleasure and fulfillment

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撮要自 已故牧師Rev. LB. Smedes之「愛在限制中: 在自私的世界中實踐無私的愛Love within limits: realizing selfless love in a selfish world. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1979. 」 Rev. Smedes was a retired minister in the Christian Reformed Church, a former ethics professor at Fuller Theological Seminary. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_B._Smedes