Fear of writing

I have always been interested in the body-and-mind issue, only that the more I study the more far away I think I am from the answer, as I know more of what I don't know. I have been doing research for 9-10 years in neurodevelopmental illnesses (Schizophrenia, psychosis, autism, ADHD). I started out to focus on cognitive deficits in experimental psychology, and then moved into MRI. It seems that I get nearer to the biology of the brain in doing different cognitive tasks when the mind is ill, I do, but I am more unsure of what can be done. I hope PsyD can help me with the treatments.

I still am most interested in psychiatric conditions, especially when one may control and also cannot control one's mental conditions, like psychosis, addiction. I would like to do psychotherapy to help (to add on the drugs), after seeing so much pharmacological limits. It seems that psychodynamics are very telling... I don't know yet how effective they are on say addictive behavior.


My background in research doesn't really help me to get into psycho-dynamics nor therapy though, I think. I look like I should specialize to neuropsychology though, as I have been doing much neurocognitive research in schizophrenia.... So... not very positive and don't know yet how to shape my road nor to package myself for internship application.


It took me like months and sleepless nights to write up my other thesis some years ago. I just find it hard to utilize all the different material into my own argument...... ai ai ai.. x 100 times. (ai ---- is just a signing sound in Cantonese)

Regarding my present.... 1000 times "ai ai ai". Just because I really have not made up to the standard expected of me in my job. I would say, I am very lucky to have the present research job. Because it fits with my interest and my bosses here are extremely caring and accommodating. I just can't ask for better!!! I don't know how to get out of this depression. A bit depressed maybe due to my fear to write academically. The pressure to publish is quite high, as it is everywhere else in any university setting....


I have been a research assistant for a long time. Then in a few months' time, my bosses have arranged for me to take up a post-doc position in Genetic & Imaging. I really don't know if I can make up to the standard. I know, to a lot of people, it just comes naturally, and it is kind of a low-level prof, so the only way to get out of this low-level post is to publish and then be promoted to assistant prof or research assistant prof, otherwise, you'd just be OUT of JOB. So...anyway...they have already planned what to do next and aiming to get me to the next stage...etc. I know writing is just like nothing to many people in an academic post... but it doesn't seem to be easy at all for me.

I wonder if I can get over the psychological fear, then my English and reasoning are actually quite OK to do the job?